new memories

Date : May 31st 2012 ...  I thought to my self holy cow June 1st is already here....for a moment it took my breath away , this was going to be my first June 1st in 23 years to be alone. I wasn't ready for this...I wasn't ready to be alone .  I was soooo not wanting to have to experience this day. I wanted to skip over it and pretend that it never happened.  I have wondered on many occasions , when is the heartache of divorce going to go away. Someone once said that divorce puts a hole in your heart that never really goes away.  I'ts kind of like your "First Love" ..never goes away , just gets tucked away deep in your heart. No matter how you want to look at things , putting life back together is hard, and I just wasn't wanting to spend this day thinking of the past, I wanted a memory I would never forget, and I got just that.  I asked KM what he was doing the next day....of course..he was busy. I told him that he should tell his date that his friend needed him more.  And what a sweet guy he was , he text me back and said we could do something....what he didn't know, was what I wanted to do. I probably should have told him first but I was a little afraid that he would say no.  " So, what would you like to do " he said.... ME; I want to see, and to listen to the ocean at night...His reply " The what?"  ... ME: It has sand, water, waves...you know this big thing just off the coast of San Diego . Now he knew what he was getting in to , and the dang sweet guy said " OK, lets go to the ocean"  ( friends don't get much better that this)   ..... So, ..... The next afternoon we met after work and headed to Cali . We went to the beach on Coronado Island ( I love love Coronado Island ) .He probably thought I was a little crazy , but this is something i have forever wanted to do....little does he know what it really meant. I think I might have drove him nuts... Because I for sure talked his ear off , crazy thing is , he never complained 1 time , just went with it and let me have my moment in time . When we got to the beach Friday night it was a little chilly...probably 55 , nice change from what we had that day in AZ....a nice warm 113 , gotta love that heat!!! The walk down to the ocean was incredible , the fog had just begun to roll in , so the sky was a little hazy , the smell of the ocean and the sound of the waves sunk deep in my heart .I thought to myself , I cant believe this guy would do this for me , I am in awe ...why did anyone ever let him go .  After getting divorced life turns up side down, i began to question and wonder about a lot of things. It is so very true that divorce is just as hard maybe even harder than death....because it doesn't have a end , at least if there are children involved....just goes on and on. Over the last 6 months I have had such an overwhelming need to connect with God , I have felt such a need to know more of him , and to understand the grand design of why we are here. I believe that each one of us , this great land that we live , and the oceans that surround us are some of Gods greatest creations . That night standing at the edge of the water was such an incredibly moving experience. Where else can you go to see the earth meet the water , and to look out as far as you can .....to have the water meet the night time sky. . How powerful our God is , and how grateful I am to be his daughter . There are moments in our lives where sometimes things are made a little more clear....this was one of those times. I am thankful to a guy that has no idea what I struggle with in my life , or what I needed at that moment , but was still willing to make something happen  just because I asked him . I am grateful to a loving Father in Heaven whom I am blessed to see his hand in my life . These are the moments when i get to look back and say....  " I really do have an incredibly "WONDERFUL LIFE"

If they just had Facebook in Heaven.......

Dad, if I could tell you one more thing it would have to be... I simply love you .  I am grateful you taught me the things you did , you would be proud....I can change my own tires, alternator , belts , and hoses ....even though I hate to ,  I can still do it ...because of you !!  I am grateful you were a brick layer who took us to work with you.... I was able to stucco our front pillars , not as good as you would have done...but I could , ...because of you !!  I have so many things in my life that always remind me of you....like , my feisty Redhead temper , eating the whole chunk of cheese , raw cookie dough , my love for pop ( so bad I know ) ...always running out of gas ( because for some reason I think I am smarter than the gas light ) leaving things in my pockets , and then finding them in the dryer... my ability to cry about commercials just as bad as I would at a funeral... And my love for Mom , I am more than grateful that you loved Mom all the way to the end..... I am grateful to have had such a great dad , I know I will see you again.... Save me a seat , I have a lot to tell you !!  Happy Fathers Day Dad , I love you  ....I truly do have a "WONDERFUL LIFE" .....because of you 

Just Lovin' It....being a Mom that is.

 Today I hit the snooze 4 times  , till  I decided to be honest with myself  and just shut the dang thing completely off . Really, who was I trying to fool...after all I am the only one in this bed . I got a good morning wake up call from one of the guy's I work for . I was late!!!  I  was late for my 5 second commute to the office !! maybe its only 3 , I stop counting after 2 seconds so who really knows , all I know is I am extremely blessed to work from home . And that 3-5 second commute from my warm bed to my desk is hard , but what the heck someone has to do it right ? Anyway's after my morning pep talk with Matt , it was time to get busy. I  started my day and things were moving right along like they always do , but today was a little different...for some reason I felt extremely humbled as I took a few moments to pray . I am such a blessed girl , I have had my fair share of tough times but when it comes down to it I am so blessed. Yesterday I spent a few hours with my mom , I asked her if we could just take a drive and talk . How did I get so lucky to have a Mom like her...she has taught me so many things throughout my life .  I hope as my children get older they will come to me , just as I do with her. What a great gift that God gave each of us, a mother. I am thankful that she seems to know exactly what I need to hear . I think some of the greatest blessings of being a mom are when you are handed that precious little spirit that is fresh from Heaven , and it seems like the come pre-packaged with the smell of baby powder , or when they are learning how to walk and their little arms are stretched out just trying to make it back to yours. I love when you drop them off for school and they turn around 20 times to make sure you are still there waving good-bye. I love more than anything when they walk through the door , and they shout out "Mom"..."Mom, are you here".  And I will forever love that they never stop loving me...even when other people around me  have .  How blessed I am to be a Mother to 3 of the greatest kids in the world....It is with out any doubt that because of them, I truly do have a "WONDERFUL LIFE"    

Wouldn't change a thing

Life is nothing short of CRAZY...but I wouldn't have it any other way.   I went out with friends last night and we were talking about some of the crazy fun things that have happened in our lives.   I do not know if I have ever laughed so hard in my life......Just some of my craziness.....Don't ever let your Mom help you with a T. P.  job unless she is a pro.....Back in the day we were TP'ing the Chapman's ( Mark and Telford's ) my mom of course was our get away driver.....because when you are in the 9th grade you still have to have a "get away driver".   We wanted to put shredded paper all over the lawn but she insisted we just crumble it..... well that would have been ok, unless of course you are using the "church news" which has a sticker on the front of who's name it is...clearly a bad idea !!!!!   I on the other hand , became a real PRO with my kids , thanks to Becky Webb who showed me the art of TP' ing years ago.   Don't go doorbell ditching at 2 am unless you know for a fact you will not get caught.....telling the neighbor you were just wanting to borrow a cup of sugar at 2 am sends up all kinds of red flags!!!   Don't steal street signs of boys you like.....or at least if you do make sure they are not in your car when you get pulled over...hard to explain your way out , but it can be done!!!  Make sure when you grab your husbands hand and start to run.....that you have a hold of your husband and not some random guy that apparently doesn't mind running with a strange chic.....my bad!!!  When you decide to play an All Time Great April Fools day joke on your boss.....( That his building is being seized for back taxes ) ....... let him in on the joke BEFORE he gets so sick..that he gets the "runs"  haha....so funny!!!! he might have even cried!!! sorry Justin !   Do though ,  have the time of your life and laugh often.  Michael Pritchard said " You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing "....( I guess I will never grow old )  My life gets crazy at times , but I would not change my crazy for any one's boring.....if I did ,  how could I possibly have ever had such a WONDERFUL LIFE!

Friends...It's the connection that counts

I went to dinner the other night with Shirley ,  one of my greatest friends ever. She is one of the Allen's from Lehi...(I Love, Love her family. People don't get much better than the Allen's!!)  We went to PF Changs...or so we thought! We are just chatting away , we walk in and are seated. Still just talking and talking (because that's what girls do best) she said "thats weird....they have spinach artichoke dip...should we get that?" Of course we should !...We ordered our drinks...and just continue to talk away. Every once in a while we would look at the menu and then get side tracked and start talking again. Eventually she said do you know what you are going to order? I start to look at the menu again ...hmmm this is weird I'm thinking...pizza ..pasta..I said "where are we?" We both turn to the front of our menus and realize we are not in Changs!!! we laughed so hard we cried! I went and told the bar tender, we were in the wrong place and to please tell the girl we were not staying. we grab our bags and got the heck out of there....I thought we were going to pee our pants we were laughing so hard. I felt like we were doing a dine and dash...except for the dine part! We walk across the parking lot and go to PF Changs, how did we not know we were in the wrong place...how did we miss the humongous, over-sized ,ginormous, mammoth  horse! I say its not because we were talking..because that comes naturally for most of us girls, but rather the fact that when you are with friends nothing else around matters. Friends are people you share your life with..the ups the downs and everything that comes in between. They don't judge you, they accept you for who you are..where you have been , and where you are going. I learned from a friend recently that we often are worried more about perfection...than connection. What good is perfection...if we never make a connection with someone? If we are always trying to put up a front so we don't let anyone really know who we are,  how would they possibly connect with us? If we don't ask questions how can we possible learn who someone is? This is what makes "real" friends one of the greatest gifts in life, they let you know who they are, where they have been and where they are headed,  and they never expect perfection from you. I have been blessed in my life to have some of the greatest friends ever. I am so grateful to have friends that when you talk , you pick up right where you left off the last time you saw them, and you never have to worry about perfection. I am grateful to have friends that are so fun to talk to and spend time with....that when you are with them you never really know what is going on around you! I love that I have been blessed with such a WONDERFUL LIFE!!!

Mom's...gotta love em'

Had a Girls Spa Day with my mom...Mani's, Pedi's, Massage, and....of course had to get the eyebrows done...When they asked who wanted their brows waxed before I said anything, the girl said 1...or both? I said just one (meaning my mom) my mom looked at me with a puzzled look and said to the girl..."NO I want 2"...she then turned to me and said "I don't just want one brow done , I would like them both done!" OH MY HECK...old people are just like little kids..did she really just think they would wax one brow and send you out in the world like that!!!LOL ...I love her! I am so thankful to have had good parents, I wish my dad was still here, I would love to see what he would have been like as he got older. One of the greatest gifts a dad can give to his children is to show them he loved their mother. I am thankful that my dad loved my mom, and that she loved him. I am grateful that I know I will see him again someday , and that Families can be together again. I truly do have a WONDERFUL LIFE!!!!

White shirts and Ties...Fathers and sons...love it!

I love love girls night out...but my favorite are the ones we do the night the men have Priesthood. This year was kind of different because Breck wasn't  here..so bitter sweet were my thoughts. There is nothing more humbling than seeing all the dads out with their son's. That is what makes this girls night one of the best. I love that we see this twice a year. This year we were in Gilbert, instead of Queen Creek...most of the girls were from Gilbert, so they won! and Red Robin it was. So fun to have good friends to laugh with and share life with. I am grateful we have the gospel that brings us together. I am in awe to simply see these men who chose to go and listen to our Prophet. I have often wondered if they ever know how much it means to the women, that they go. This year is different in so many ways, all of the kids are in Utah spending time with their dad. I had no white shirts to iron, no suits to pick up from the cleaners..no collars to straighten...no white shirts or ties. I am grateful though for all the years that I did get to iron the shirts, and straighten the ties, because those moments truly were part of my WONDERFUL LIFE.