To Move Forward

I never in my life thought I would be at the crossroad I am today. I feel like 22 years of my life is just gone in a second. It feels like a fire swept though your house and when you go back to see the damage there is nothing!  I feel like on the outside looking in and there is nothing left, but the ashes of what once was. At the end of the day I look back and think of all the things I wish I would have done differently. I wish I could take all the heartache out of this. I remember when my dad died and the sense of lonliness I felt.  I knew I would see him again someday. This is the end of something that was supposed to go on forever, Its an overwhelming feeling sadness. I feel like we failed in what we promised we would do, and that was to keep a family together forever.  I feel like he gave up on us, he gave up on something that should have been forever. While this has nothing to do with the kids, there are part of who we are. And when he left , he didnt just leave me...he left the kids. He has left us over and over , each time it is harder to get through than the time before. I know I need to be strong for the kids, but this time I just want to give up. There is no fight left. It hurts more than anything in the worl to see your kids hurt , especially for the selfishness of their parents. I pray the lord will strengthen us as we move forward , that we can forgive him and allow him to have his agency that the Lord has blessed each one of us with. I am grateful for the atonement, for our agency to choose, and for the tender mercies of the Lord that we may find joy in this WONDERFUL LIFE .