new memories

Date : May 31st 2012 ...  I thought to my self holy cow June 1st is already here....for a moment it took my breath away , this was going to be my first June 1st in 23 years to be alone. I wasn't ready for this...I wasn't ready to be alone .  I was soooo not wanting to have to experience this day. I wanted to skip over it and pretend that it never happened.  I have wondered on many occasions , when is the heartache of divorce going to go away. Someone once said that divorce puts a hole in your heart that never really goes away.  I'ts kind of like your "First Love" ..never goes away , just gets tucked away deep in your heart. No matter how you want to look at things , putting life back together is hard, and I just wasn't wanting to spend this day thinking of the past, I wanted a memory I would never forget, and I got just that.  I asked KM what he was doing the next day....of course..he was busy. I told him that he should tell his date that his friend needed him more.  And what a sweet guy he was , he text me back and said we could do something....what he didn't know, was what I wanted to do. I probably should have told him first but I was a little afraid that he would say no.  " So, what would you like to do " he said.... ME; I want to see, and to listen to the ocean at night...His reply " The what?"  ... ME: It has sand, water, waves...you know this big thing just off the coast of San Diego . Now he knew what he was getting in to , and the dang sweet guy said " OK, lets go to the ocean"  ( friends don't get much better that this)   ..... So, ..... The next afternoon we met after work and headed to Cali . We went to the beach on Coronado Island ( I love love Coronado Island ) .He probably thought I was a little crazy , but this is something i have forever wanted to do....little does he know what it really meant. I think I might have drove him nuts... Because I for sure talked his ear off , crazy thing is , he never complained 1 time , just went with it and let me have my moment in time . When we got to the beach Friday night it was a little chilly...probably 55 , nice change from what we had that day in AZ....a nice warm 113 , gotta love that heat!!! The walk down to the ocean was incredible , the fog had just begun to roll in , so the sky was a little hazy , the smell of the ocean and the sound of the waves sunk deep in my heart .I thought to myself , I cant believe this guy would do this for me , I am in awe ...why did anyone ever let him go .  After getting divorced life turns up side down, i began to question and wonder about a lot of things. It is so very true that divorce is just as hard maybe even harder than death....because it doesn't have a end , at least if there are children involved....just goes on and on. Over the last 6 months I have had such an overwhelming need to connect with God , I have felt such a need to know more of him , and to understand the grand design of why we are here. I believe that each one of us , this great land that we live , and the oceans that surround us are some of Gods greatest creations . That night standing at the edge of the water was such an incredibly moving experience. Where else can you go to see the earth meet the water , and to look out as far as you can .....to have the water meet the night time sky. . How powerful our God is , and how grateful I am to be his daughter . There are moments in our lives where sometimes things are made a little more clear....this was one of those times. I am thankful to a guy that has no idea what I struggle with in my life , or what I needed at that moment , but was still willing to make something happen  just because I asked him . I am grateful to a loving Father in Heaven whom I am blessed to see his hand in my life . These are the moments when i get to look back and say....  " I really do have an incredibly "WONDERFUL LIFE"

If they just had Facebook in Heaven.......

Dad, if I could tell you one more thing it would have to be... I simply love you .  I am grateful you taught me the things you did , you would be proud....I can change my own tires, alternator , belts , and hoses ....even though I hate to ,  I can still do it ...because of you !!  I am grateful you were a brick layer who took us to work with you.... I was able to stucco our front pillars , not as good as you would have done...but I could , ...because of you !!  I have so many things in my life that always remind me of you....like , my feisty Redhead temper , eating the whole chunk of cheese , raw cookie dough , my love for pop ( so bad I know ) ...always running out of gas ( because for some reason I think I am smarter than the gas light ) leaving things in my pockets , and then finding them in the dryer... my ability to cry about commercials just as bad as I would at a funeral... And my love for Mom , I am more than grateful that you loved Mom all the way to the end..... I am grateful to have had such a great dad , I know I will see you again.... Save me a seat , I have a lot to tell you !!  Happy Fathers Day Dad , I love you  ....I truly do have a "WONDERFUL LIFE" .....because of you