Don't Blink

22 years has come and gone.  Where did the time go...It just seems like yesterday that we brought Kustome home, 4 years later came Breck , and then 4 years after Breck, Baxter pulled up the end... Kustome recently moved out and Breck is getting married next week.  Kind of tugs on my heart strings a bit. I knew this day would come....just is a little harder than I expected. . I am so truly blessed to be a Mom..Can't think of anything that has made me smile more than these precious kids.  I am grateful to a Father in Heaven who entrusted them to me.  I have often thought , when they leave home will they remember what they have been taught. Will they remember how much they are loved , thought about , worried about....I hope they will always remember that they were this Mom's greatest blessing. Its crazy to think that not long ago it was diapers and trike's, big rubber balls, a gazillion baby dolls...and match box cars. We grew into cd's, ipods, and cell phones...scooters. quads, and then cars. Sometimes for a moment I wish I could go back to the smell of baby powder, little chunky baby cheeks , Gerber applesauce and pears....night time prayers when you tuck them in, and of course all the laughter, the door being left open ( so you can yell "were you born in a barn?) and candy wrappers that are tucked in the couch from that dang kid named "it wasn't me"...these are the moments I will miss. The saying is true...."don't blink" it really does come faster than we think. I am so grateful for this "Wonderful Life".

Something as simple as water...

I recently had the chance to serve the homeless people at one of the soup kitchens in Mesa. What a humbling experience it was. When I was ready to leave I asked what were some of their needs.... They said that they were almost out of water , and if there was one thing I could help them with , it would be water. I asked them how much they needed ... he said  "a lot , like 50 cases" I told him I had a lot of good friends and that I would bring him 200 cases . As I left there I thought to myself how would it be to carry every thing you owned in a back back... to go to a soup kitchen to eat every meal ...and to have such a need for something as simple as water. It made me cry ( I seem to do that easily :) )  This past week has been nothing short of incredible.... I asked some pretty amazing people if they would help me .... and they all did .  How did I get so lucky to have such great people in my life . The night before I promised them I would bring them , I was 8 cases short , I thanked my Father in Heaven that night for all the people that helped me to get the water , and asked that I would have the opportunity to try again . The next morning I had 2 cases sitting on my door step , then about an hour later 6 more showed up .... Holy cow , this was it ..the hundred cases I told them I would bring . I got a text about 30 minutes later from one of my best friends in the world . He said " I left you 10 cases of water on your front porch" . I am thankful that not only did we all make something happen... but when we pull together we do beyond sometimes what is asked . I am grateful for service , I am grateful that there are times like this that I get a glimpse of the hearts of others .  I am thankful for a Father in Heaven that has blessed this girl with some incredible friends and truly a "WONDERFUL LIFE".     

new memories

Date : May 31st 2012 ...  I thought to my self holy cow June 1st is already here....for a moment it took my breath away , this was going to be my first June 1st in 23 years to be alone. I wasn't ready for this...I wasn't ready to be alone .  I was soooo not wanting to have to experience this day. I wanted to skip over it and pretend that it never happened.  I have wondered on many occasions , when is the heartache of divorce going to go away. Someone once said that divorce puts a hole in your heart that never really goes away.  I'ts kind of like your "First Love" ..never goes away , just gets tucked away deep in your heart. No matter how you want to look at things , putting life back together is hard, and I just wasn't wanting to spend this day thinking of the past, I wanted a memory I would never forget, and I got just that.  I asked KM what he was doing the next day....of course..he was busy. I told him that he should tell his date that his friend needed him more.  And what a sweet guy he was , he text me back and said we could do something....what he didn't know, was what I wanted to do. I probably should have told him first but I was a little afraid that he would say no.  " So, what would you like to do " he said.... ME; I want to see, and to listen to the ocean at night...His reply " The what?"  ... ME: It has sand, water, waves...you know this big thing just off the coast of San Diego . Now he knew what he was getting in to , and the dang sweet guy said " OK, lets go to the ocean"  ( friends don't get much better that this)   ..... So, ..... The next afternoon we met after work and headed to Cali . We went to the beach on Coronado Island ( I love love Coronado Island ) .He probably thought I was a little crazy , but this is something i have forever wanted to do....little does he know what it really meant. I think I might have drove him nuts... Because I for sure talked his ear off , crazy thing is , he never complained 1 time , just went with it and let me have my moment in time . When we got to the beach Friday night it was a little chilly...probably 55 , nice change from what we had that day in AZ....a nice warm 113 , gotta love that heat!!! The walk down to the ocean was incredible , the fog had just begun to roll in , so the sky was a little hazy , the smell of the ocean and the sound of the waves sunk deep in my heart .I thought to myself , I cant believe this guy would do this for me , I am in awe ...why did anyone ever let him go .  After getting divorced life turns up side down, i began to question and wonder about a lot of things. It is so very true that divorce is just as hard maybe even harder than death....because it doesn't have a end , at least if there are children involved....just goes on and on. Over the last 6 months I have had such an overwhelming need to connect with God , I have felt such a need to know more of him , and to understand the grand design of why we are here. I believe that each one of us , this great land that we live , and the oceans that surround us are some of Gods greatest creations . That night standing at the edge of the water was such an incredibly moving experience. Where else can you go to see the earth meet the water , and to look out as far as you can .....to have the water meet the night time sky. . How powerful our God is , and how grateful I am to be his daughter . There are moments in our lives where sometimes things are made a little more clear....this was one of those times. I am thankful to a guy that has no idea what I struggle with in my life , or what I needed at that moment , but was still willing to make something happen  just because I asked him . I am grateful to a loving Father in Heaven whom I am blessed to see his hand in my life . These are the moments when i get to look back and say....  " I really do have an incredibly "WONDERFUL LIFE"

If they just had Facebook in Heaven.......

Dad, if I could tell you one more thing it would have to be... I simply love you .  I am grateful you taught me the things you did , you would be proud....I can change my own tires, alternator , belts , and hoses ....even though I hate to ,  I can still do it ...because of you !!  I am grateful you were a brick layer who took us to work with you.... I was able to stucco our front pillars , not as good as you would have done...but I could , ...because of you !!  I have so many things in my life that always remind me of you....like , my feisty Redhead temper , eating the whole chunk of cheese , raw cookie dough , my love for pop ( so bad I know ) ...always running out of gas ( because for some reason I think I am smarter than the gas light ) leaving things in my pockets , and then finding them in the dryer... my ability to cry about commercials just as bad as I would at a funeral... And my love for Mom , I am more than grateful that you loved Mom all the way to the end..... I am grateful to have had such a great dad , I know I will see you again.... Save me a seat , I have a lot to tell you !!  Happy Fathers Day Dad , I love you  ....I truly do have a "WONDERFUL LIFE" .....because of you 

Just Lovin' It....being a Mom that is.

 Today I hit the snooze 4 times  , till  I decided to be honest with myself  and just shut the dang thing completely off . Really, who was I trying to fool...after all I am the only one in this bed . I got a good morning wake up call from one of the guy's I work for . I was late!!!  I  was late for my 5 second commute to the office !! maybe its only 3 , I stop counting after 2 seconds so who really knows , all I know is I am extremely blessed to work from home . And that 3-5 second commute from my warm bed to my desk is hard , but what the heck someone has to do it right ? Anyway's after my morning pep talk with Matt , it was time to get busy. I  started my day and things were moving right along like they always do , but today was a little different...for some reason I felt extremely humbled as I took a few moments to pray . I am such a blessed girl , I have had my fair share of tough times but when it comes down to it I am so blessed. Yesterday I spent a few hours with my mom , I asked her if we could just take a drive and talk . How did I get so lucky to have a Mom like her...she has taught me so many things throughout my life .  I hope as my children get older they will come to me , just as I do with her. What a great gift that God gave each of us, a mother. I am thankful that she seems to know exactly what I need to hear . I think some of the greatest blessings of being a mom are when you are handed that precious little spirit that is fresh from Heaven , and it seems like the come pre-packaged with the smell of baby powder , or when they are learning how to walk and their little arms are stretched out just trying to make it back to yours. I love when you drop them off for school and they turn around 20 times to make sure you are still there waving good-bye. I love more than anything when they walk through the door , and they shout out "Mom"..."Mom, are you here".  And I will forever love that they never stop loving me...even when other people around me  have .  How blessed I am to be a Mother to 3 of the greatest kids in the world....It is with out any doubt that because of them, I truly do have a "WONDERFUL LIFE"